Whispers of
an Elder
From Elder Taz McGillis
In this past year, I have spoken to many women who have been conned into thinking that love was in the air. And because it would difficult to name the many men who con women to get what they want, I will name this type of man, “He Who cannot be named” to satisfy the needs of this article. It has been my experience that women do not name this type of man, most often because they are ashamed, embarrassed or unsure of what has happened, unaware that they have been the victim of a con artist. “He who cannot be named” comes in many shapes, sizes, and has many different attributes. He can be a man who doesn’t work to a man who lives in extreme wealth. What they have in common is their ability to manipulate women into thinking they are the only one! Some examples that I have heard of the opening lines they use to manipulate a woman toward taking care of their own needs include the following: “ I am so lonely, and I don’t know if I can love again”, “the woman I am with doesn’t understand me but we have kids so I stay with her”, “I was adopted as a child and I am scared of relationships,” “It was meant for us to meet”, “Can I sleep on your couch, I’m homeless”, “I have never felt this way with a woman before” “Do you believe in love at first sight?” and “I think you are the most beautiful woman in the world”. These lines have an element of truth to them and the con artist makes the statements with a seemingly sincere attitude. This type of man does not want to make you happy, he just wants to conquer you. And once he conquers his prey, he moves on. Quite often, this type of man is using the woman to validate himself. He will never realize that the women he has conned are hurting from the illusion of love that he has created. He doesn’t see the end result of his emotional abuse. He doesn’t hear the cries of the women, the shame they feel when they realize they are part of his harem, the self hatred for falling in love with a con and the shock when the truth sinks in. He doesn’t have to pick up the pieces of a broken heart and shattered dreams. He just moves on to his next victim. So how can women spot this type man? Get to know him. If he doesn’t introduce you to his friends, family or co-workers then an alert alarm should go off. If he is in a live-in relationship, know that you are just a toy for this boy. And if he cheats on her with you, he will eventually cheat on you with someone else. If he doesn’t have a job, then he shouldn’t be expecting any woman to be with him. If he has a lot of money and it means more to him than you…then you need to move on. If he will not date you openly, he is hiding something. If he doesn’t want to answer your questions and tells you to mind your own business, then move on. Mind your own business by looking for a man who will treat you well. If he puts you down after a few dates, move on. You want a man who will uplift you and think of ways to make you smile. By the way, men, this all applies to you as well. Life is too short to waste time in a dead end relationship. And as another year ends, know that somewhere out there is someone who loves you. And when you find that love, if you haven’t already, nurture it. Because true love is a precious Gift that one must not take for granted when it is granted and I pray that the next year brings you much love in many different ways. May the ember of love burn within you and help keep your home fire warm. And remember, it is never too late.